Greetings

HELLO DARLINGS. Currently I am writing to you from an internet cafe in South Africa. Exotic, I'm aware. I actually don't really have anything else to say other than please don't stop checking in, because posts WILL be here eventually, it's just difficult at the present moment because I do not have internet access at all (except when I get to an internet cafe) and this will continue for another two weeks. I'm sure my foreign adventures will make for some decent posts though so, yeah, there you go. 

A survival tip to get you through two weeks so that you're not all dead when I come back: If you get kidnapped, start like babbling random words in a whisper voice and whoever took you will be confused for a second like, "what? why are they whispering names of fruits?" and then you run away.

Also, here are some cats playing guitars

Back From The Dead

HONEY, I'M HOME. 

Hello my precious children I've missed you dearly. I'm sorry I have been missing for such a long period of time but I'm back now. 

Originally, this blog post was supposed to be the long-awaited live commenting on The Notebook which I watched for the first time last week, but complications arose. You see, all my comments were on a note on my iPod, and then I sort of left it outside and it rained and killed my anti phone and so unfortunately, I lost my notes. But the show must go on, so I'll fill you in on where I've been for the past however long it's been. (PS, I  just had deja vu)

We'll start of all the way back when school was still in session. 

June 1st, 2013 - Madeline and I go to our Taylor Swift concert. We got there early and walked over to a radio station van that was there doing giveaways of all sorts of neat stuff. We were there for almost two hours enthusiastically participating in these contests to try and win better tickets. Finally, it was the very last contest and they were giving away the very last pair of front row seat tickets. You had to call in and whoever was caller number 30 won the tickets. Madeline handed me her phone and I started dialing. All of a sudden I hear, "Caller number 30? caller number 30?" right in my ear. Then we freaked out and cried and got the tickets and had the time of our lives being arms lengths away from the beautiful, flawless, goddess, Taylor.  

June 4th, 2013 - You little rascals made me very happy by awarding my the best blog award. Seriously that was rad of you cool cats and I enjoy you guys. 

June 17th, 2013 - I left Park City and headed for Augusta, Georgia, to go live with Natalie for three weeks. Needless to say we had many gnar adventures. We went to a lax camp at UNC and then we went to South Beach Miami for the week of the 4th. 

July 10th, 2013 - I got back to our little City of Park and have since been working or doing nothing or hanging out with my amigos. And that has been the summer of Jackie Buckman thus far. 

I pinky swear on neen that I'll be better about posting from here on out. (You know when I bring out the Neen Swear that I aint messin around so keep checking back ok?)

STAY SWAGGY 

Things Parents Say

Demons

Ha, tricked you again. You thought it was gonna be scary but it wasn't. 

Before we begin, IF YOU ARE READING THIS POST BECAUSE YOU ARE BROWSING BLOGS CHECKING OUT WHICH ONE'S YOU'RE GOING TO VOTE FOR IN THE BLOGGING CHALLENGE, I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D CONSIDER THIS ONE, NOT BECAUSE IT'S THAT GOOD BUT BECAUSE I NEVER WIN ANYTHING PLEASE I'LL GIVE YOU NO MONEY BECAUSE I'M BROKE BUT IT WOULD MAKE ME EXTREMELY HAPPY SO THANKS.  (Sorry for the caps, but it's important people get the point.)

Things parents say. You can probably relate.

1. Because I said so.

Wow good one mom you really knocked me speechless with that one. Have you ever considered being a lawyer? I'm sure if you just got up there and the judge was like, "Ok why is your client not guilty?" you could just pull one of those, "because I said so," zingers out and SHABAM. The jury would probably all take a gasp and look around at each other, the defendant could just walk out the room and no one even cares cause you really showed them. Good one mom, good one.

2. Watch your tone.

Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't aware ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION was "giving you attitude." And it's not my fault that sometimes I'm sassy, it's just part of being a diva.

3. Stop being so dramatic.

My Mom -   *coughs as if she's a little baby owl sneezing or something* 

My Mom -  "well i guess i have throat cancer did you guys hear that i probably should lay down before i pass out im in so much pain you guys really should be nicer to me i have throat cancer who knows how long i have left i think you need to clean the whole house for me so ill remember you fondly from heaven im dying"

4. I do everything around here.

Excuse me I just came home from school 20 minutes ago to find you taking a nap while I did my homework, walked the dog, and did the dishes. What were you saying again? (I'm not kidding about that either. It's not an unusual thing for me to come home and my mom is taking a nap.)

5. Is your homework done?

Will you buy me a car? Oh we're not asking silly questions we both already know the answer to? My mistake.  

A tip for a swaggy fun weekend: Don't get hit by a car.

Thank you and goodnight New York Citayyyyyyyy. 

*Headbangs my way out of the room playing the air guitar*