How To Be Awkward

Happy Sunday evening, I hope your homework procrastination is going well. Mine definitely is.  Tonight, on Awkwardly Awkward, I'm going to give you 100% fool-proof tips on how to be awkward, in case you've ever wanted to and just don't know how. So tell your math homework to pipe down, and take notes because I, the queen of putting myself and others in uncomfortable situations, am here to share my expertise.

1. The first and most important rule you must follow if you want to be a blundering goon like me, is you must never hide any part of your personality. If you are trying to fit in at all, and changing or concealing any aspect of your behavior or personality, you are losing. Embrace your inner strange and I promise, you will always invite awkwardness. 

2. Spend an abnormal amount of time alone. If you spend all your time with people, their normality and ability to act appropriately in social situations might rub off on you and that's very difficult to reverse. Spend as much time alone as possible that allows you to still have a few friends. Taking it to the next level, frequently talk to yourself when alone. (Increases awkward level by 7.7%)

3. Make lots of lists. If you've never noticed, most of these blog posts are lists. Lists just really accentuate my inability to stay focussed on one specific thing for a reasonable amount of time and also that I just really like making lists. Ok this one's dumb and it doesn't make sense wow alright sorry disregard me.

4. When asked a question, or just simply when in conversation, start off on things that don't have anything to do with what is being talked about, realize that your thought is completely out of place, and then apologize and avoid any and all eye contact afterwards. Example; number 3 of this list. 

5. Speak and write in sentences made up of large amounts of solely exclamatory words (oh, wow, ok, alright, etc) and use no punctuation when you realize you've embarrassed yourself. Example: last sentence of number 3. 

6. Fall down a minimum of 6 times per day. 

7. At least once a week, make sure that you are singing along with the car radio and get the words wrong. A minimum of two people must witness and laugh otherwise it doesn't count.

8. Dance "eccentrically" at any and every opportunity. I generally use this rule when I want to embarrass my friends. You change that lightbulb, mow that lawn, and patch that cabbage for everybody to see. *Bonus points are awarded if you double up and combine this with rule 6, and fall over WHILE dancing. *

Those are just a few tips that may or may not help you embarrass yourself and others in your general daily lives. Try them out and I guarantee you will see a 89% increase in your social ineptness or your money back. And if your homework is still staring at you from across the room whispering, "do me. do me," you can tell your homework to stop being so thirsty and go online shopping or something. Fight the system. (Can I get arrested for telling you to not do your homework?)

Ok byeeeeee :)