Revelations

I'm not going to lie, hitting that "new post" button approximately 10 seconds ago filled me with such immense joy. 

AWKWARDLY AWKWARD IS BACK. 

Hopefully you haven't all given up on me yet because it'd be really disappointing if I started doing this again and nobody read it. Also, I'm choosing to do this instead of read my World History textbook so there's a good chance I'm going to fail some quiz I won't know we have, so you all can appreciate the sacrifices I make for you. (We all know I wasn't actually ever going to read anyway, but now it looks like I had at least some sort of excuse.)

Anyway, I was thinking about what would be a good post topic to use for the first post after my long hiatus (vocab word from some past English class, but I can't really remember which one), and I came up with, "Revelations." Revelations, because I came to the conclusion I am really deep and basically like one of those ancient Greek philosophers, and I have many revelations I believe should be shared. And where better to do it than on the internet?

(PS I'm still really excited that this blog is happening again.)

So here are a few of the breakthroughs that I've come to in my 15 years of life.

1. If you try to do your makeup in a moving car, you will hurt yourself.

 And you can try to get sassy with me and say, "Well actually you're wrong because I've done it before," but you're wrong. Maybe you didn't repeatedly stab yourself with eyeliner, and yay for that, but there is no way in hell that the quality of a makeup job done in a moving car is ever going to be that of one done anywhere else. So even if you didn't cause partial blindness in one eye, you hurt your makeup credibility. Maybe you even hurt your chances of not dying alone because boys don't think it's cute when there is mascara on your upper eyelid and oh, guess who has mascara on their upper eyelid? You. Because you did your makeup in the car, and now you're going to be alone forever. 

2. Putting things in an online shopping cart without having any intention of buying them is completely   acceptable.

  If you are like me, you are poor. This means that you have no money. And that means that you can't buy cute clothes off the internet. WHAT THAT DOES NOT MEAN, IS THAT YOU CAN'T DREAM. People who laugh at you for unrealistic amounts of clothes in a cart online are people who you do not need in your life. Like you know, what if you just really really love this one shirt you see on urbanoutfitters.com, but you remember you only have around $0.42 to your name? You're just supposed to scroll right past it and act like it never existed? You can't do that. You saw it. You made a connection with it. It's a part of you now, whether you like it or not. Well I'll tell you what you do. ADD IT TO THE BAG. You can sleep that night without crying and listening to "The One That Got Away," because you know the baby is safe in your bag. 

3. It is indeed very possible to trip UP the stairs.

 Gravity is a liar. If you've been there, you know. If you haven't, we're probably not friends.

4. Letting other people die your hair for you will never end up well.

Clarifying point I should add; by "other people," I mean non-professionals who also have a combined IQ of about 6. You'd think I would've learned after the first time, when I let my friend try to die it blonde and I ended up a ginger. You'd think I would've learned. But no, no then I thought it would somehow work out ok if I let my other friend die the ginger hair PURPLE. Do not ask why I agreed to dying my hair purple in the first place, because I will never be able to give you an ok reason. The purple didn't actually look that bad either, except for the few patches of hair that die wasn't applied to. I was a grape with patches of ginger. And as sad as it may be that I had to let it go that far before I realized I should stop letting people die my hair, I now understand that unless you want to look like Halloween every day of your life, die your hair yourself.

5. There is no such thing as a not-basic girl's Halloween costume.

In the many discussions I had with people leading up to Halloween this year, I realized that no matter how hard you try, you can't come up with a single non-basic costume for girls. Nerd? Basic. Bunny? Basic. Hippy? Basic. Cat? Basic. Princess? Basic. And the only way you could defy this would be to wear like a cardboard milk carton costume or something and then everybody just thinks you're weird. Ya feel?

I genuinely hope some of these strokes of genius have made you evaluate your life a little, and made you think about the complexity of the world we live in. I also genuinely hope that you are excited about AA being back. I also also genuinely hope I can power read 13 pages of History before I pass out. (Not likely)

XOXOXOXO