Dance Dares

Children of the internet, today you are in for a very special treat. Someone told me that the voting for best blogs in each class was coming up soon. I have no idea if that's a rumor or not, but regardless, I REALLY WANT TO WIN. (Winning is everything, if you're not first, you're last, etc.) So to show you all how badly I want this, I spent the whole day embarrassing myself for your entertainment. Enjoy.



 

You're welcome. 

Emotional Investment in the Media

Happy Tuesday my lovelies! I hope you're all doing well on this fine day that actually happens to be my fourth least favorite day of the week. (In order from 'wow you make me want to drink a bottle of bleach', to 'let's get married', it goes Monday, Sunday, Thursday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, Friday.) 

I feel like I've been absent from my blog for a long time and I sincerely apologize for that. We had February Break last week during which I went to Disneyland. The 11 hour car ride to Anaheim is always a bonus as well. *Sarcasm* 

Then we went back to school yesterday and in third period I all of a sudden felt really sick. I proceded to feel like death for the rest of the day which was especially convient since it was also the first day of softball tryouts. And I couldn't figure out what was wrong because I had every symptom known to man. Like I had chills, a fever, a migrane, felt like I was gonna throw up, dizzy, sore throat, cough, etc. Basically one big super illness. I call it the 'Jackie' and as soon as I figure out how to hack into WebMD and add it, the symptoms list will just say, 'everything.' 

Ok wait what was I even writing about again? Like I got so off topic I forgot what this post was even about. Lol at my life. 

Emotional investment in the media. Oh lawd Jesus. How do I even go about explaining myself to you? I care more about what happens in fictional character's lives than I do about what happens in my own. Two shows in particular are Vampire Diaries and Pretty Little Liars. Like, (Yes, I'm aware that I start 98.362% of my sentences with the word 'like', but that's how I talk in real life, so that's how I'm going to talk on the internet.) I don't even have words when I try to talk about them. All I do is make 'uggh' and 'sigh' noises and think that people will just understand. I don't know how they made me get so attached to them. It's a TV show, like, you shouldn't care that much. BUT I DO. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY DO. 

When I first started watching The Vampire Diaries, I had absolutely no clue what I was about to do to my life. I watched the first episode on Netflix one day just because I was bored and it was both the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know what a cocaine addiction is like, but I am 99% sure it's identical to what I have with that show. I watched three full seasons in a time span of five days. Do you know how many episodes are in a season of TVD? Twenty two. And do you know how long each one is? An hour. So twenty two times three is 66. That means 66 hours. Because you can't stop. You think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. You literally can not stop. I swear on my cat's life. (Now you know I'm not joking around cause she's like, my only friend.) 

They get you hooked, and then they think they can just do all these things that they know are going to tear you apart. Like, "Oh you really liked this character huh? Well now we have to kill him." Like, um can you not. 

I made this chart, courtesy of Create A Graph to show you a little bit of my life. 

  Oh and don't even get me started on the whole "Toby-Spencer" situation on PLL. No. 

How To Avoid Dying

Alright, so this morning I was on the bus, and I was like 'Jackie, if you were ever in a life threatening situation, you are so clever and smart and creative you would probably live.'  And I realized that everyone might not feel as confident in their abilities to survive bad situations like that, so I wanted to help out and give some examples of situations and how to react and stay alive. You're welcome. 

If a crazed serial killer ever breaks into your house, get up to your room and climb into your laundry hamper and then burry yourself in the clothes. If you went into a house to serial kill someone, you would never think to look in the laundry cause why on earth would they be in there! Problem solved. 

If you are ever kidnapped while on a mission to save the world or something, and are thrown into shark infested waters, just pull a Jenna Marbles and slap a landshark hand fin on your back. Since you are in water, that will then be considered a watershark which is just a normal shark. Then, the sharks will think you are also a shark, and not eat you. 

Always carry a pot of honey with you if you ever go hiking. Imagine you're just hiking along and you see a bear and the bear sees you and starts running at you because he hates you and wants to eat you, just whip out your handy dandy pot of honey and he'll be mesmerized by the honey and not eat you. That's because bears love honey. Also make sure you give him the honey to eat and then while he's eating the honey, just get on his back and tame him. Because then you would have your own tamed pet bear and you would get all te girls because who wouldn't want to date someone with a pet bear? Then, you and your pet bear could grow old and look back and laugh on that one time he wanted to maul you but you gave him honey and tamed him. 

If you are ever walking alone in a dark alley and a group of really sketchy looking guys with scratchy looking beards come up with black fitted beanies on, keeping yourself safe is simple. All you have to do is make sure that spiderman is in love with you and is watching your every move and them BAM he'll be there in a flash to beat up all the scary people and then you can kiss whilst he is hanging upside down. Duh.

The last situation I'm going to teach you how to survive is if someone you like ever tries to talk to you. See I've found a method over the years that works quite well. For example you are just being your awkward self and they come up and say, "Hey." Do not panic. Simply look for the nearest fire alarm, pull it, and then run outside with the rest of the school. Then, next time you see them, be like "ha ha wow crazy fire the other day hu?" and they'll be like "yeah it was!" and you be like "yeah there really was no fire, I just pulled the alarm because you're hot." POOF. Now you have yourself a boyfriend. (I've also seen it end in the crush giving you a weird look, nervously mumble-laugh something and walk away quickly, but that's only happened every single time I've ever tried this method.)

Now you all kinda owe me one since I just saved your lives like five times. I accept chocolate. Thank you very much.