Confessions Of A CWG

First of all, my sincere apologies to Claire. I had promised her this post would be up last night, and it turns out I'm just a big fat liar. I got home from lacrosse at 9:30 last night and then had to complete an assignment for Honors Bio, my vital vocab for English, and study for the Geography final I just took. (Congratulations to me on my A by the way.) 

This fine Tuesday, I will share with you some confessions. The confessions of a common white girl.

1. I can not go to Starbucks with out taking a picture of my cup. If I don't, did it ever really happen? How are people going to know I'm cool and I go to Starbucks unless I document it? 

2. Pink is my favorite color. 

3. If something has sparkles, I am forced to love it. You could wear the ugliest outfit in the history of the world, but if it had sparkles I would want it. It's a scientific fact.

4. One of my more major goals in life is to own 365 pairs of shoes so I can wear a different pair every day of the year. 

5. I think I'm from the ghetto.

6. There are at least 7 different celebrities who I would seriously consider killing someone to meet.

7.  Has only white apple products.

8. Whenever I post a selfie, you can bet your cat that the caption is a song quote or a quote I found in my google search for "quotes about life."

9.  Crucify me, but I own a pair of sparkly fake uggs which I purchased at Justice. 

10. When Pretty Little Liars is in season, I watch it every Tuesday night like my life depends on it. 

11. Summer is my favorite season and I would live at the beach if I could. I'm also 73.2364% sure that I am a mermaid, due to my fabulous flawless-nes, soooo...

12. My typical weekend consists of me sitting in front of my computer in my pajamas watching Netflix for around 14 hours straight (And that's per day)

13. Someone: Hi

      Me:  *You're

14. I go as many days as possible without shaving my legs but then when I do shave them I have to make sure everyone in the state of Utah feels how smooth they are. 

15. The only dance I am good at is the Harlem Shake because I'm incapable of dancing without looking like I'm having a seizure.

Thoughts During School

Unicorns

Hahahahahah ahh I'll bet that was unexpected. Happy Thursday you little meatballs of wonderful. This evening, I have a lovely post for you. It is entitled, "Thoughts During School." For all you, um... slower.. children, this means tonight I will be sharing some of the things I think during prison- I mean school.

At school:

Me as I'm about to walk past someone coming in the opposite direction : oh god do i smile at them or just not look at them what if i smile and they dont smile back i'll look stupid maybe i won't make eye contact but wait that's rude and if i don't smile it will just be an awkward stare oh god what do i do

Me: Can you move?

Me: Is it really necessary to stop right there in the middle of the hallway so you can hug?

Me: Jackie you're just jealous cause no one hugs you

Me: Shut up self, you're such a brat. Besides, we're the same person.

Me: You know what they don't teach in school? Real stuff. Like, I'm sure glad I don't know what the heck a mortgage even is, but when the time comes, I'll know how to use the Pythagorean Theorum. (Just kidding I don't know how to use the Pythagorean Theorum)

Me: Okay well if my mom doesn't have to know the capital of Lithuania, I shouldn't have to either. 

Me: Hungry

Me: Hungry

Me: Hungry

Me: Hungry

Me: Oh.My.God. I hate her. Girl thinks she can just come up in this classroom and start breathing. What, she thinks she owns the place or something? No. Get out.

Me: I wish I had friends

Me: What day is it

Me: I hope they have chicken nuggets for lunch

Me: Is it legal to marry food?

Me: Maybe I should stare at my crush 

Me: What? You're so stupid. That's the worst idea I've ever heard. How could that possibly turn out well?

Me: I don't know! I just have ideas ok? They aren't always perfect. 

Me: I wish I had an endless supply of money

Me: I wonder if it's legal to own a tiger cub as a pet

LAX Bro Lyfe

HELLO LOVELIES. HOW ARE YOU ALL FEELING ON THIS LOVELY FRIDAY. LOVELY? LOVELY.

Well I have had just a lovely past few days filled with lacrosse, lacrosse, and more lacrosse. Yesterday we had our first game of the real season. Park City vs. Riverton. I am so excited about this Park City JV team because we rock.

Park City JV team at the Gathering of the Tribes tournament

We won, final score was 9 - 7 ( I think.)  Then, today we had the first half of the Gathering Of The Tribes tournament. We first played Jordan and won 5 - 1, then we played Juan Diego and won 8 - 3. 

I just love lacrosse games. They're so adrenaline-filled and exciting. I mostly play D-Wing which is a midfield position, and low defense. Since, I'm so good at being a Lax Bro-ette, I wanted to share some of my insightful tips with you that I've come up with over the years. 

1. (Tip courtesy of Coach Glee Corsetti) 50% of lacrosse is acting. Girl is running close to you, just fall over. Just over do it and fall on the ground and roll around and be all disoriented and then the ref will be all, "We have a push on number 34 white. Red ball. Everybody give her four." And then you win. Can I get an oscar over here?

2. This is a tip I made up for when I'm on defense. Just get really close to your girl and in a really high, creepy, whisper voice just start telling a story. Like, just start making up a story, it can be about anything you want, and just start telling it. Your girl will be all confused by your weirdness and be like, "what the heck?" and she'll drop it and you win. 

3. The final tip I'm going to share with you also comes from my imaginational brain. So when you're in the game, and you need a little push or pump up, just start pretending you're in The Hunger Games. Like, if you need to catch that girl, sprint like she's about to grab your backpack at the feast. If you're on offense, pull some sneaky Foxface move and dodge that girl and shoot. Works every time. The trick is you have to really be vivid in your imagining, otherwise it's just stupid. Like, what. 

So there you go then. Follow these tips and you'll be a pro like me, Maddie, Claire, and Micaela in no time. 

Text Message Decoder

It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Fridayyyy

Everybody's lookin forward to the weekend, weekend

Friday, Friday-

Ok that's enough of that. 

 IN OTHER NEWS I FEEL REALLY BAD I HAVEN'T BEEN POSTING AS FREQUENTLY AS I SHOULD BE. I used to be way better about it and I'm really truly sorry and I will try to be better about it. 

Today I've come here to change and revolutionize your life. We all have waded through the confusing waters of text messaging and it can sometimes be confusing, but today everything will be cleared up. I'm here to explain to you the meaning behind common text messages we receive so you'll never be left wondering, ".....what?"

Let's start with the basics. 

This was the only picture of a phone that I had

Hi -  This means that they want to start a conversation with you but are a little bit awkward and weird and don't know how to do it. I personally HATE when I get a text just saying "Hi," because, well it just bothers me. Like, I know you're struggling here, but that's not how you do it. 

Hey - Just a normal "hey." Don't read into this one too much. 

Heyy - A friendly "hey." Like what you would get from a friend. You could also get a "heyy:)," with a smiley at the end. This means that they're happy you engaged in conversation and want you to keep talking. 

Heyyy - If someone sends this to you as a conversation starter, that means that they're into you. If you get it as a reply, it's used as a reply to a conversation starter, you're annoying the noodles out of them and you should probably just stop. 

:) - You just said something cute, or funny, or maybe you complimented me, and it made me happy and now I don't know what else to say, but I don't want to stop talking to you. I mean, this could be love! Can we get married?

;) - I think we all know what a winky face means. Don't make me spell it out for you. 

:-) - This is probably your grandma or maybe even your mom, but only old people put a nose on their smiley face.

Haha yeah. - You're annoying but I'm too nice to tell you to leave me alone and I really want this conversation to be over. 

We should hang out sometime - Let's hookup. 

K. - You better seriously watch your back because you just pissed me off big time and I'm probably plotting to kill your family as we speak. Then after that, don't be surprised if you are kidnapped and tortured dying a slow painful death. Then after you're dead, I might come and twerk on your grave.

Sooooo, yeah. (That's also how I end every single presentation I ever give to the class.)