Things That I Can't.

Sometimes I just don't know how to intro these things and it makes me really nervous. Because like, beginnings are really important you know? If you don't have a good beginning nobody's gonna want to read the rest of whatever you wrote and it's just too much pressure to have to come up with actual introductions. A helpful rule of thumb for this blog would be to generally skip the first paragraph because mostly it's just embarrassing for me. 

There are a lot of things in life that I just can't. Maybe you've heard this phrase watching Girl Code, or maybe you're just hip and picked it up somewhere less mainstream than that, but I think it's a very relevant phrase. It's just like, you just can't even start trying to find words because whatever you 'just can't' is so ridiculous it deserves no words anyway. So I thought I'd share with you children all the things that I 'just can't."

1. Denim on denim. I just can't. There is literally no reason or excuse for ever, EVER, wearing denim on denim. 

2. Lorde's boyfriend. 

 It's not that I don't fully support this relationship or nothin, but I just can't because I don't think I could ever have a conversation with him and not nervous laugh every 4.2 seconds. He's just so uncomfortable looking I can't.

3. Girls with apparent iq's of -23. Like I do not know if you are trying to be this way because you think it's cute, or if you are really that unfortunately stupid, but I can't do you. If you ask me if Alaska is an island one more time I may actually explode. 

4. Multiple Instagram posts in a day. There is never an exception to this rule. I can't. I can barely do one post a day from most of you crazies but two it intolerable this is not what America is about I'm sorry.

5. Smart people who won't share their answers. Are you kidding me here? When they're like, "Well I don't know I mean, I worked really hard on this and I just.." hell to the no you can stop right there. I'm dumb and I need help and you're a terrible person if you refuse to let me copy your homework. 

6. One time somebody asked me if the pope was the guy who was married to the queen. Do you think I could? NOPE. I COULDN'T. I STILL CAN'T.

7. My mom when she says things like, "did you get any retweets on that Instagram you snap chatted?" I know you weren't raised in this technology era or whatever old people say to make themselves feel less tech illiterate, but I really can't.

You know I really don't wanna end a list with 7 because that's an odd number and I'm pretty sure that's bad luck in some country, but I have Chemistry homework that I need to go do incorrectly.

 TIP FOR A GOOD WEEKEND: Avoid angry bears because I feel like that wouldn't work out well, if you like, got in a fight with a bear. Ok Merry Christmas.

How To Be Awkward

Happy Sunday evening, I hope your homework procrastination is going well. Mine definitely is.  Tonight, on Awkwardly Awkward, I'm going to give you 100% fool-proof tips on how to be awkward, in case you've ever wanted to and just don't know how. So tell your math homework to pipe down, and take notes because I, the queen of putting myself and others in uncomfortable situations, am here to share my expertise.

1. The first and most important rule you must follow if you want to be a blundering goon like me, is you must never hide any part of your personality. If you are trying to fit in at all, and changing or concealing any aspect of your behavior or personality, you are losing. Embrace your inner strange and I promise, you will always invite awkwardness. 

2. Spend an abnormal amount of time alone. If you spend all your time with people, their normality and ability to act appropriately in social situations might rub off on you and that's very difficult to reverse. Spend as much time alone as possible that allows you to still have a few friends. Taking it to the next level, frequently talk to yourself when alone. (Increases awkward level by 7.7%)

3. Make lots of lists. If you've never noticed, most of these blog posts are lists. Lists just really accentuate my inability to stay focussed on one specific thing for a reasonable amount of time and also that I just really like making lists. Ok this one's dumb and it doesn't make sense wow alright sorry disregard me.

4. When asked a question, or just simply when in conversation, start off on things that don't have anything to do with what is being talked about, realize that your thought is completely out of place, and then apologize and avoid any and all eye contact afterwards. Example; number 3 of this list. 

5. Speak and write in sentences made up of large amounts of solely exclamatory words (oh, wow, ok, alright, etc) and use no punctuation when you realize you've embarrassed yourself. Example: last sentence of number 3. 

6. Fall down a minimum of 6 times per day. 

7. At least once a week, make sure that you are singing along with the car radio and get the words wrong. A minimum of two people must witness and laugh otherwise it doesn't count.

8. Dance "eccentrically" at any and every opportunity. I generally use this rule when I want to embarrass my friends. You change that lightbulb, mow that lawn, and patch that cabbage for everybody to see. *Bonus points are awarded if you double up and combine this with rule 6, and fall over WHILE dancing. *

Those are just a few tips that may or may not help you embarrass yourself and others in your general daily lives. Try them out and I guarantee you will see a 89% increase in your social ineptness or your money back. And if your homework is still staring at you from across the room whispering, "do me. do me," you can tell your homework to stop being so thirsty and go online shopping or something. Fight the system. (Can I get arrested for telling you to not do your homework?)

Ok byeeeeee :)

Revelations

I'm not going to lie, hitting that "new post" button approximately 10 seconds ago filled me with such immense joy. 

AWKWARDLY AWKWARD IS BACK. 

Hopefully you haven't all given up on me yet because it'd be really disappointing if I started doing this again and nobody read it. Also, I'm choosing to do this instead of read my World History textbook so there's a good chance I'm going to fail some quiz I won't know we have, so you all can appreciate the sacrifices I make for you. (We all know I wasn't actually ever going to read anyway, but now it looks like I had at least some sort of excuse.)

Anyway, I was thinking about what would be a good post topic to use for the first post after my long hiatus (vocab word from some past English class, but I can't really remember which one), and I came up with, "Revelations." Revelations, because I came to the conclusion I am really deep and basically like one of those ancient Greek philosophers, and I have many revelations I believe should be shared. And where better to do it than on the internet?

(PS I'm still really excited that this blog is happening again.)

So here are a few of the breakthroughs that I've come to in my 15 years of life.

1. If you try to do your makeup in a moving car, you will hurt yourself.

 And you can try to get sassy with me and say, "Well actually you're wrong because I've done it before," but you're wrong. Maybe you didn't repeatedly stab yourself with eyeliner, and yay for that, but there is no way in hell that the quality of a makeup job done in a moving car is ever going to be that of one done anywhere else. So even if you didn't cause partial blindness in one eye, you hurt your makeup credibility. Maybe you even hurt your chances of not dying alone because boys don't think it's cute when there is mascara on your upper eyelid and oh, guess who has mascara on their upper eyelid? You. Because you did your makeup in the car, and now you're going to be alone forever. 

2. Putting things in an online shopping cart without having any intention of buying them is completely   acceptable.

  If you are like me, you are poor. This means that you have no money. And that means that you can't buy cute clothes off the internet. WHAT THAT DOES NOT MEAN, IS THAT YOU CAN'T DREAM. People who laugh at you for unrealistic amounts of clothes in a cart online are people who you do not need in your life. Like you know, what if you just really really love this one shirt you see on urbanoutfitters.com, but you remember you only have around $0.42 to your name? You're just supposed to scroll right past it and act like it never existed? You can't do that. You saw it. You made a connection with it. It's a part of you now, whether you like it or not. Well I'll tell you what you do. ADD IT TO THE BAG. You can sleep that night without crying and listening to "The One That Got Away," because you know the baby is safe in your bag. 

3. It is indeed very possible to trip UP the stairs.

 Gravity is a liar. If you've been there, you know. If you haven't, we're probably not friends.

4. Letting other people die your hair for you will never end up well.

Clarifying point I should add; by "other people," I mean non-professionals who also have a combined IQ of about 6. You'd think I would've learned after the first time, when I let my friend try to die it blonde and I ended up a ginger. You'd think I would've learned. But no, no then I thought it would somehow work out ok if I let my other friend die the ginger hair PURPLE. Do not ask why I agreed to dying my hair purple in the first place, because I will never be able to give you an ok reason. The purple didn't actually look that bad either, except for the few patches of hair that die wasn't applied to. I was a grape with patches of ginger. And as sad as it may be that I had to let it go that far before I realized I should stop letting people die my hair, I now understand that unless you want to look like Halloween every day of your life, die your hair yourself.

5. There is no such thing as a not-basic girl's Halloween costume.

In the many discussions I had with people leading up to Halloween this year, I realized that no matter how hard you try, you can't come up with a single non-basic costume for girls. Nerd? Basic. Bunny? Basic. Hippy? Basic. Cat? Basic. Princess? Basic. And the only way you could defy this would be to wear like a cardboard milk carton costume or something and then everybody just thinks you're weird. Ya feel?

I genuinely hope some of these strokes of genius have made you evaluate your life a little, and made you think about the complexity of the world we live in. I also genuinely hope that you are excited about AA being back. I also also genuinely hope I can power read 13 pages of History before I pass out. (Not likely)

XOXOXOXO 

Greetings

HELLO DARLINGS. Currently I am writing to you from an internet cafe in South Africa. Exotic, I'm aware. I actually don't really have anything else to say other than please don't stop checking in, because posts WILL be here eventually, it's just difficult at the present moment because I do not have internet access at all (except when I get to an internet cafe) and this will continue for another two weeks. I'm sure my foreign adventures will make for some decent posts though so, yeah, there you go. 

A survival tip to get you through two weeks so that you're not all dead when I come back: If you get kidnapped, start like babbling random words in a whisper voice and whoever took you will be confused for a second like, "what? why are they whispering names of fruits?" and then you run away.

Also, here are some cats playing guitars

Back From The Dead

HONEY, I'M HOME. 

Hello my precious children I've missed you dearly. I'm sorry I have been missing for such a long period of time but I'm back now. 

Originally, this blog post was supposed to be the long-awaited live commenting on The Notebook which I watched for the first time last week, but complications arose. You see, all my comments were on a note on my iPod, and then I sort of left it outside and it rained and killed my anti phone and so unfortunately, I lost my notes. But the show must go on, so I'll fill you in on where I've been for the past however long it's been. (PS, I  just had deja vu)

We'll start of all the way back when school was still in session. 

June 1st, 2013 - Madeline and I go to our Taylor Swift concert. We got there early and walked over to a radio station van that was there doing giveaways of all sorts of neat stuff. We were there for almost two hours enthusiastically participating in these contests to try and win better tickets. Finally, it was the very last contest and they were giving away the very last pair of front row seat tickets. You had to call in and whoever was caller number 30 won the tickets. Madeline handed me her phone and I started dialing. All of a sudden I hear, "Caller number 30? caller number 30?" right in my ear. Then we freaked out and cried and got the tickets and had the time of our lives being arms lengths away from the beautiful, flawless, goddess, Taylor.  

June 4th, 2013 - You little rascals made me very happy by awarding my the best blog award. Seriously that was rad of you cool cats and I enjoy you guys. 

June 17th, 2013 - I left Park City and headed for Augusta, Georgia, to go live with Natalie for three weeks. Needless to say we had many gnar adventures. We went to a lax camp at UNC and then we went to South Beach Miami for the week of the 4th. 

July 10th, 2013 - I got back to our little City of Park and have since been working or doing nothing or hanging out with my amigos. And that has been the summer of Jackie Buckman thus far. 

I pinky swear on neen that I'll be better about posting from here on out. (You know when I bring out the Neen Swear that I aint messin around so keep checking back ok?)

STAY SWAGGY 

Things Parents Say

Demons

Ha, tricked you again. You thought it was gonna be scary but it wasn't. 

Before we begin, IF YOU ARE READING THIS POST BECAUSE YOU ARE BROWSING BLOGS CHECKING OUT WHICH ONE'S YOU'RE GOING TO VOTE FOR IN THE BLOGGING CHALLENGE, I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D CONSIDER THIS ONE, NOT BECAUSE IT'S THAT GOOD BUT BECAUSE I NEVER WIN ANYTHING PLEASE I'LL GIVE YOU NO MONEY BECAUSE I'M BROKE BUT IT WOULD MAKE ME EXTREMELY HAPPY SO THANKS.  (Sorry for the caps, but it's important people get the point.)

Things parents say. You can probably relate.

1. Because I said so.

Wow good one mom you really knocked me speechless with that one. Have you ever considered being a lawyer? I'm sure if you just got up there and the judge was like, "Ok why is your client not guilty?" you could just pull one of those, "because I said so," zingers out and SHABAM. The jury would probably all take a gasp and look around at each other, the defendant could just walk out the room and no one even cares cause you really showed them. Good one mom, good one.

2. Watch your tone.

Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't aware ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION was "giving you attitude." And it's not my fault that sometimes I'm sassy, it's just part of being a diva.

3. Stop being so dramatic.

My Mom -   *coughs as if she's a little baby owl sneezing or something* 

My Mom -  "well i guess i have throat cancer did you guys hear that i probably should lay down before i pass out im in so much pain you guys really should be nicer to me i have throat cancer who knows how long i have left i think you need to clean the whole house for me so ill remember you fondly from heaven im dying"

4. I do everything around here.

Excuse me I just came home from school 20 minutes ago to find you taking a nap while I did my homework, walked the dog, and did the dishes. What were you saying again? (I'm not kidding about that either. It's not an unusual thing for me to come home and my mom is taking a nap.)

5. Is your homework done?

Will you buy me a car? Oh we're not asking silly questions we both already know the answer to? My mistake.  

A tip for a swaggy fun weekend: Don't get hit by a car.

Thank you and goodnight New York Citayyyyyyyy. 

*Headbangs my way out of the room playing the air guitar*

Dance Dares

Children of the internet, today you are in for a very special treat. Someone told me that the voting for best blogs in each class was coming up soon. I have no idea if that's a rumor or not, but regardless, I REALLY WANT TO WIN. (Winning is everything, if you're not first, you're last, etc.) So to show you all how badly I want this, I spent the whole day embarrassing myself for your entertainment. Enjoy.



 

You're welcome. 

Things I Really Hate

hahahahahah hello swags. Happy FRIDAY to you all.

Today, you're going to hear all about things that really get on my nerves. If you maybe read one of these and you think to yourself, "hey I do that." I'd like to tell you to STAHP. 

1. Don't stop in the middle of the hallway during passing periods. IM TRYING TO GET PLACES AND IF YOU STOP IN FRONT OF ME I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE, DRUG YOU, CUT YOU INTO SHAPES USING COOKIE CUTTERS, AND FEED THE SHAPES TO SNAPPING TURTLES. 

2. I can not stand when people are loud in movies. I mean, IM allowed to be loud during movies, but you're not. Let's just get that idea through our heads. 

3. I hate, I HATE, when people are communicating with you via social media and they spell "yeah" like "ya" or "yea." I don't know why it bothers me, BUT I HATE IT. 

4. I'm very aware of the fact that I'm no professional dancer, but DO NOT TRY TO CONTAIN MY GROOVE. I FEEL THOSE BEYONCE MOVES IN MY SOUL. 

5.  I hate when people change their personality around different people to be cool. Like bro, what do you think you're doing? How in the heck does anyone have that much energy to have like two different personalities for different people. That seems like it'd be to much work.

6. The Boston Red Sox 

7. Freaking Pandora and YouTube ads. Can you freaking not.

8. I know I was guilty of this in my 6th grade year, but we all make mistakes. Flare jeans that are too big for you that you've crammed into fake Uggs are never ok. They're just not. 

9. Wearing wet clothes. Like if I decide to YOLO it and jump in a pool with my clothes on, I will spend the time until I get dry clothes on absolutely hating myself. The resentment I feel for myself is about how much I would hate someone who killed my whole family. 

10. And the last thing I hate is when people try to act all above the people on reality TV. Like, "Oh they're so disgusting and trashy and stupid like omg what is our world coming to." That's nice and you can leave now because I'm pretty sure I'd rather be friends with them over you any freaking day of the week you irrelevant little ratchet. Jesus. (I did not mean Jesus is an irrelevant ratchet.)

Well that's all for tonight my peasants. Also, on a side note, I would really love it if you would all go to ask.fm/jackiebuckman sometime in the next week and ask me questions. If I get enough, hopefully I'll be able to use them and my answers for my next. Alright well go have a rockin YOLO Friday night, talk to homeless people, adopt a pigeon, life your life. Stay Swaggy. 

XOXO

Awkwardly Awkward

Hi there children, how are you today? Today hasn't really been a good day for me, but then I was like, "Bro, stop being sad and go write a blog post for all your cute little friends and then you will feel happy." So that's what I'm doing. (And then I also remembered, hey, at least I'm not Amanda Bynes.)

As you know, (At least I should hope you know...) the name of this blog is Awkwardly Awkward, and if you've ever met me, you know why. But just for some laughs, I am going to revisit as many of my outstandingly awkward moments as I can remember for you today. Swag.

A few weeks ago I was walking in the hall with my friend, approaching a few stairs, and there was this exceptionally cute boy coming up the stairs. So he looks up at us and casually is all like, "Hey guys," and then for some reason, I think it would just be the perfect moment to fall down the stairs. He laughed and walked away. Smooth Jackie.

Another time, I was talking to one of my friends, just having a normal conversation, and then for no reason at all, I just drooled. Like I can't even- what? I'm 15 years old and I can't have a conversation without drooling. So that happened and at first I didn't think he saw, I was just like, "no big, play it coooool," but then he looks at me for a second and was like, "......did you just drool?" Then I ran away.

And I'm just getting started.

I also have this weird habit, where I don't finish sentences. Like, I'll start a sentence, and then just stop and act like I never said anything. Then when people ask me what the end of the sentence was I can't tell them because I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE END OF THE SENTENCE WAS. I start saying something but then I realize it doesn't make sense or I just don't know what to say, so I stop and hope no one notices. But occasionally they do, and then are like, "Hahah what....?" And then I just nervous laugh until they go away. 

Then there was that one time I wrote "Buckie Jackman" on a homework assignment instead of "Jackie Buckman."

One time this guy called me pretty (don't look so surprised), and I didn't know what to do, so I said Happy Birthday. Happy freaking birthday. 

During Spring Break last year I was in Mexico, and so I go out to the beach and I, for some reason, act like I'm some sort of pro dancer and start ballet leaping all over the place. Right up until my top flew off. 

I don't know if anyone but me has ever noticed this one, but I can't sit or stand like regular people. My posture varies from 'Hunchback of Notre Dame' to 'My spine is a steel pole' and there's no in between, and I always have my hands out in front of me like I'm some sort of meerkat. 

And then there was the one time I was in the grocery store, and I had wandered off and lost my mom. So I'm just wandering the aisles all alone, and then, because my brain has something wrong with it, I decide to start trying to do the jerk. I proceeded to slip and fall on my butt and I hear someone go, "Oh! Are you okay?!" I turn around and there's this little old lady standing behind me, and I resort to my panic solution, to nervous laugh and run away. 

#JackieFact

idk those just made me laugh so i thot maybe u wud laf 2 lol jackie wat u crazy gnome.


Just a few #JackieFacts for you to read and then judge me about.

1.  I HATE bananas. If I was stranded on an island and the only food on that island were bananas, I would die of starvation.

2.  I am indeed about that ADD lyfe tho.

3.  I love JB and T-Swiz and if you hate on them there is a 94.6% chance I will come to your house in the middle of the night and shave your hair into a mohawk. A really badly done, unstylish mohawk.

4. Summa time is the best time and I was meant to live at the beach.

5. I play (whoa I was trying to type "play" but I typed "okay" by accident ok never mind continue) lacrosse. Specifically defense and some midfield.

6. I'm undeniably the most fierce, fearless, flawless, ratchet, bamf, gnome member of the Buckman family. (I was gonna say in the world but then I came up with a long list of people that would be ahead of me.)

7. For a career, I would like to be either a Veterinarian for the ASPCA, or an extremely successful singer/songwriter. I have diverse taste.

8. I love the internet.

9. I love fashion, even though you wouldn't be able to tell since most of the time I'm dressed like I'm an urban camper. (That's the nice word for hobo.)

10. I'm addicted to music like it's cocaine.

11. I believe that life is both chance and choice.

12.  My soul is made of cake and popcorn chicken

13.  Polar bears are my favorite animal and I plan on buying one. And people always tell me, "Jackie are you serious? It's gonna eat you, it's a wild animal, blah blah blah. " But I have a plan. If I buy it as a cub and raise it as my own, it will love me and not eat me so LET ME LIVE OKAY.

14. Sparkles are a way of life. 

Throwback Thursday

Wuddup homeslices hollaback at ya dawg J-Bizzle in the hizhouseeeee. 

lol jackie u crazy gnome wat. 

Sorry, I'll stop. 

First of all, before we get started, I wanted to share a creation of mine with you. I was looking at one of our JV team pictures and saw this...

Thank you Maddie.

AND ALSO, TODAY IS THURSDAY, WHICH IS ALSO KNOWN AS "THROWBACK THURSDAY," SO TODAY, WE WILL BE THROWING IT WAY BACK. Wayyyyyyy back. Are you ready for this? (dun dun dun, duna-na dun dun dun, dun-na-na)

Back when I was cute. (Just kidding I wasn't even cute as a child.) 

Day of a Jackie

First of all, I want to start of by letting you all know that I think Demi Lovato is a fearless, flawless, perfect little bamf. 

And sometimes I listen to her beautiful Camp Rock songs.

(By "sometimes," I mean daily.)

Today I figured I would write a nice little blog post for you peasants about a typical Jackie day, so you can have an idea of how I live. I don't know why I thought you would care about my life.

First thing that happens to me, is my alarm goes off. Every single morning without fail, it takes me a minimum of 9 minutes to understand what is going on and that my alarm is even going off. It like gets incorporated into my dream or something. 

Then when I get my act together enough to understand that my alarm is going off, I go through all the things in my head that must be done before I go to school, and I rank them in order of importance. Then when this is done, I figure out how many I can forfeit for extra minutes of sleep. Some frequent examples would include...

• Doing my hair
• Picking out a non-homeless person looking outfit to wear

When I finally throw myself out of bed, I proceed to pick out something to wear. It is either something swagtastic and fearless, accentuating my edgy, girly-girl, mermaid, gnome, fairy, biker, boho, hipster style, or it looks like I need to be nominated to go on What Not To Wear. 

I proceed to go downstairs to my bathroom (Which is weird because there is a bathroom right next to my room, but for some reason that one belongs to my sister and the one on another level belongs to me.) and brush my teeth and do my hair. Generally, the case is that I stayed in bed too long and have to do my makeup at school before class. Don't judge. 

Following this I go through three hour and 45 minute long classes (See Thoughts During School to find out what goes on in my head throughout these,) until it's lunch time. Then I go to lunch and sometimes cry tears of joy because I just love food so much. Food is like an emotion that I feel in my soul.

After that we go to one more class and then I get on my bus and sit alone and listen to music. Alone. Surprise surprise.

When I get home I look for food, but since we never actually have any real food, I usually just make myself some toast.

I feel like this is getting boring... Oh well. Sor sor.

Then I sit around and play on my iPod until it's time to go to lacrosse practice. I refuse to do any homework before I go to lacrosse, and I don't really know why, but I do.

Swagalicious lacrosse practice is the time when I go hang out with all my swag gnomes and we play the game of lacrosse. Swag.

Then when I get home I stay up until 11:00 hating myself for not doing some of my homework before practice when I should've. And then I fall asleep and dream weird Jackie dreams and do it all again the next day.

Guys I'm really sorry that this post sucks as bad as the Boston Red Sox (Go Yanks!). I am just a gnome. What more can you expect of me?

OH and also, home lax game. Today. 6:15. Matt Knoop Memorial Park.

Be there or be square.

You'll probably be square because I'm putting this up a few hours before the event, but now we're even. You didn't come to my lacrosse game, I didn't give you a good post. Love you. Meow, bye. 

Confessions Of A CWG

First of all, my sincere apologies to Claire. I had promised her this post would be up last night, and it turns out I'm just a big fat liar. I got home from lacrosse at 9:30 last night and then had to complete an assignment for Honors Bio, my vital vocab for English, and study for the Geography final I just took. (Congratulations to me on my A by the way.) 

This fine Tuesday, I will share with you some confessions. The confessions of a common white girl.

1. I can not go to Starbucks with out taking a picture of my cup. If I don't, did it ever really happen? How are people going to know I'm cool and I go to Starbucks unless I document it? 

2. Pink is my favorite color. 

3. If something has sparkles, I am forced to love it. You could wear the ugliest outfit in the history of the world, but if it had sparkles I would want it. It's a scientific fact.

4. One of my more major goals in life is to own 365 pairs of shoes so I can wear a different pair every day of the year. 

5. I think I'm from the ghetto.

6. There are at least 7 different celebrities who I would seriously consider killing someone to meet.

7.  Has only white apple products.

8. Whenever I post a selfie, you can bet your cat that the caption is a song quote or a quote I found in my google search for "quotes about life."

9.  Crucify me, but I own a pair of sparkly fake uggs which I purchased at Justice. 

10. When Pretty Little Liars is in season, I watch it every Tuesday night like my life depends on it. 

11. Summer is my favorite season and I would live at the beach if I could. I'm also 73.2364% sure that I am a mermaid, due to my fabulous flawless-nes, soooo...

12. My typical weekend consists of me sitting in front of my computer in my pajamas watching Netflix for around 14 hours straight (And that's per day)

13. Someone: Hi

      Me:  *You're

14. I go as many days as possible without shaving my legs but then when I do shave them I have to make sure everyone in the state of Utah feels how smooth they are. 

15. The only dance I am good at is the Harlem Shake because I'm incapable of dancing without looking like I'm having a seizure.

Thoughts During School

Unicorns

Hahahahahah ahh I'll bet that was unexpected. Happy Thursday you little meatballs of wonderful. This evening, I have a lovely post for you. It is entitled, "Thoughts During School." For all you, um... slower.. children, this means tonight I will be sharing some of the things I think during prison- I mean school.

At school:

Me as I'm about to walk past someone coming in the opposite direction : oh god do i smile at them or just not look at them what if i smile and they dont smile back i'll look stupid maybe i won't make eye contact but wait that's rude and if i don't smile it will just be an awkward stare oh god what do i do

Me: Can you move?

Me: Is it really necessary to stop right there in the middle of the hallway so you can hug?

Me: Jackie you're just jealous cause no one hugs you

Me: Shut up self, you're such a brat. Besides, we're the same person.

Me: You know what they don't teach in school? Real stuff. Like, I'm sure glad I don't know what the heck a mortgage even is, but when the time comes, I'll know how to use the Pythagorean Theorum. (Just kidding I don't know how to use the Pythagorean Theorum)

Me: Okay well if my mom doesn't have to know the capital of Lithuania, I shouldn't have to either. 

Me: Hungry

Me: Hungry

Me: Hungry

Me: Hungry

Me: Oh.My.God. I hate her. Girl thinks she can just come up in this classroom and start breathing. What, she thinks she owns the place or something? No. Get out.

Me: I wish I had friends

Me: What day is it

Me: I hope they have chicken nuggets for lunch

Me: Is it legal to marry food?

Me: Maybe I should stare at my crush 

Me: What? You're so stupid. That's the worst idea I've ever heard. How could that possibly turn out well?

Me: I don't know! I just have ideas ok? They aren't always perfect. 

Me: I wish I had an endless supply of money

Me: I wonder if it's legal to own a tiger cub as a pet

LAX Bro Lyfe

HELLO LOVELIES. HOW ARE YOU ALL FEELING ON THIS LOVELY FRIDAY. LOVELY? LOVELY.

Well I have had just a lovely past few days filled with lacrosse, lacrosse, and more lacrosse. Yesterday we had our first game of the real season. Park City vs. Riverton. I am so excited about this Park City JV team because we rock.

Park City JV team at the Gathering of the Tribes tournament

We won, final score was 9 - 7 ( I think.)  Then, today we had the first half of the Gathering Of The Tribes tournament. We first played Jordan and won 5 - 1, then we played Juan Diego and won 8 - 3. 

I just love lacrosse games. They're so adrenaline-filled and exciting. I mostly play D-Wing which is a midfield position, and low defense. Since, I'm so good at being a Lax Bro-ette, I wanted to share some of my insightful tips with you that I've come up with over the years. 

1. (Tip courtesy of Coach Glee Corsetti) 50% of lacrosse is acting. Girl is running close to you, just fall over. Just over do it and fall on the ground and roll around and be all disoriented and then the ref will be all, "We have a push on number 34 white. Red ball. Everybody give her four." And then you win. Can I get an oscar over here?

2. This is a tip I made up for when I'm on defense. Just get really close to your girl and in a really high, creepy, whisper voice just start telling a story. Like, just start making up a story, it can be about anything you want, and just start telling it. Your girl will be all confused by your weirdness and be like, "what the heck?" and she'll drop it and you win. 

3. The final tip I'm going to share with you also comes from my imaginational brain. So when you're in the game, and you need a little push or pump up, just start pretending you're in The Hunger Games. Like, if you need to catch that girl, sprint like she's about to grab your backpack at the feast. If you're on offense, pull some sneaky Foxface move and dodge that girl and shoot. Works every time. The trick is you have to really be vivid in your imagining, otherwise it's just stupid. Like, what. 

So there you go then. Follow these tips and you'll be a pro like me, Maddie, Claire, and Micaela in no time.